April 06, 2010

A different perspective

Emman said he doesn't have a single reason to spell out why he loves me. He said it's the whole person, everything. He said, it's a feeling.

I hated that. I think feelings are the most unreliable things to have when it comes to loving someone. To me, love is a verb, not a noun that one can own and take for granted. So, when the reasons for loving someone all sum down to a feeling, it certainly sounds shaky. To me, love must be for real reasons that can be listed out. Preferably, reasons that are intrinsic to the person you love, that are traits so much of her that they form her. Then, I think, it becomes more reliable.

Then. I changed my mind. Not the whole piece of it. But I did take on his perspective.

Because people do change. The most intrinsic, most trademarked trait of a person can change too. We all change, especially under different circumstances, different pressure, different payrolls. Perhaps, then, to love a person for what I thought to be the traits of the person is as unreliable as a feeling.

Emman said loving someone because you feel love for her gives you more control in choosing to love her, regardless that she may change. Free will. Even if you lose 'the feeling', you still have a choice to love her - love is a verb; it can be acted. But, if you love someone for he's (e.g.) patient, one day when you find that he's not so patient anymore or there's someone more patient than him, it gives you more reason to love him less and (here's the worse part) blames him for that.

I was confused. Just a little. 'Cos it seemed like we were going in circles and in the end, it seemed like it doesn't really matter the reasons, or the kind of reasons.

Emman said I like to go down the negative trail of thoughts.

I think I'm just insecure more often than him. Note that doesn't mean I'm more insecure than him. It only means I show my insecurities more often than him.

In any way, I take his perspective too, while retaining mine. Love - an action of care, trust and respect, regardless of all.

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 12:11